Franken Fraught-O-Rama

The Republican convention in Rochester this past weekend was a somewhat staid and stultifying affair.

Staid because there was nary a balloon or speck of confetti at an event that, in the last few decades, has evolved into grand political pageantry. Anybody remember six years ago when Norm Coleman was first endorsed to run for the U.S. Senate? Coleman's endorsement was consummated with a massive balloon, confetti, sound and light show.

Stultifying because two of keynote speaker Karl Rove's biggest applause lines were about frivolous lawsuits. A country waging an unpopular war and making ends meet in a weak economy won't be thinking about trial lawyers when it's time to vote this November.

State conventions are about energizing the party troops. This past weekend the only person generating any kilowatts was a guy who wasn't there. Al Franken. The GOP energizer bunny gift that keeps on giving. And going and going.

The most recent present from Franken's sleigh full of baggage is a column he wrote for Playboy in the magazine's January 2000 issue. The 1478-word piece was titled "Porn-O-Rama!" The most meaningful way to assess the political ramifications of the column is to read it in its entirety (which I did, thanks to several DFL friends who emailed it to me).

Unfortunately, the column is copyrighted and thus major media won't reprint it or link to it in a PDF. I have been sorely tempted to publish it here on PIM, but because we're now happily ensconced in the stable of publications owned by Dolan Media Company, instigating a copyright infringement lawsuit doesn't bode well for future payments on my mortgage.

But more important, Al Franken's column isn't worth a dime in legal fees. While Porn-O-Rama! is sexist, crass and vulgar, the one thing it is not is funny. Which raises the most important question of all: What kind of judgment does a man have who makes jokes about bestiality and 12-year-olds in the same sentence?

A man who, at the age of 49 in 2000, writes, "The moment Playboy told me I could tackle any subject for its millennium issue, I immediately chose pornography" ...?

Or a man who asks readers to envision a female "doctor" from the "Minnesota Institute of Titology" rubbing his crotch? [More salacious details in Franken's column are here.]

A man who thinks, writes and polishes 1478 words of garbage for publication in Playboy? Is that Franken's idea of comic career advancement?

Franken is renowned for correcting anyone who calls him a comic. He's a "satirist." Given Franken's judgment in Porn-O-Rama!, "stupidest" might be more accurate, but I can't go there, having once called Franken Ad Hominem Al, that would make me the pot calling the kettle black.

And I don't need to. Because Porn-O-Rama! is about judgment.

As is ignoring certified mail delivered to one's home resulting in a $25,000 default judgment from the state of New York for not paying workers' compensation insurance. As is forging the signature of the doorman who supposedly signed for the certified mail.

[Sidebar number one. In my view this is the biggest sleeper issue: Tampering with U.S. mail.]

[Sidebar number two. Franken's other disclosed folly, not paying income tax in the states he earned the income, isn't about his judgment. That one's about the judgment of his accountant.]

Notably, Franken's Porn-O-Rama! defenders in the blogosphere appear to be mostly men who view U.S. Rep. Betty McCollum's (DFL-MN 4) objections to Porn-O-Rama! as purely political (McCollum supported former DFL candidate Mike Ciresi who dropped out of the race).

Over the weekend, Franken, himself, said on both KSTP's "At Issue" with Tom Hauser and WCCO's Sunday morning news show with Esme Murphy, that McCollum's objections were "just politics."

No, it's about judgment. McCollum contends that she and other female candidates have better things to talk about on the campaign trail than what goes on in the mind of a middle-aged guy who thinks there's something funny -- rather, satirical -- about 12-year-olds researching bestiality on the Internet.

Al Franken may have fantasized about the fondling of his private parts by the good doctor from the Minnesota Institute of Titology, but Betty McCollum is the one here with balls.

Accompanied by a head full of good judgment.