Porn-O-Rama!

The Republican convention in Rochester this past weekend was a somewhat staid and stultifying affair.

Staid because there was nary a balloon or speck of confetti at an event that, in the last few decades, has evolved into grand political pageantry. Anybody remember six years ago when Norm Coleman was first endorsed to run for the U.S. Senate? Coleman's endorsement was consummated with a massive balloon, confetti, sound and light show.

Stultifying because two of keynote speaker Karl Rove's biggest applause lines were about frivolous lawsuits. A country waging an unpopular war and making ends meet in a weak economy won't be thinking about trial lawyers when it's time to vote this November.

State conventions are about energizing the party troops. This past weekend the only person generating any kilowatts was a guy who wasn't there. Al Franken. The GOP energizer bunny gift that keeps on giving. And going and going.

The most recent present from Franken's sleigh full of baggage is a column he wrote for Playboy in the magazine's January 2000 issue. The 1478-word piece was titled "Porn-O-Rama!" The most meaningful way to assess the political ramifications of the column is to read it in its entirety (which I did, thanks to several DFL friends who emailed it to me).

Unfortunately, the column is copyrighted and thus major media won't reprint it or link to it in a PDF. I have been sorely tempted to publish it here on PIM, but because we're now happily ensconced in the stable of publications owned by Dolan Media Company, instigating a copyright infringement lawsuit doesn't bode well for future payments on my mortgage.

But more important, Al Franken's column isn't worth a dime in legal fees. While Porn-O-Rama! is sexist, crass and vulgar, the one thing it is not is funny. Which raises the most important question of all: What kind of judgment does a man have who makes jokes about bestiality and 12-year-olds in the same sentence?

A man who, at the age of 49 in 2000, writes, "The moment Playboy told me I could tackle any subject for its millennium issue, I immediately chose pornography" ...?